“Ouch!” I couldn’t figure out this intense headache I’d had right behind my eyes since returning from heaven. Sometimes, I do get periodic headaches with muscle tension (or a sinus infection), but I’d been doing nothing except trying to recover. And this one was different anyway. Unrelenting, but a little better when I was off the computer.
I noticed strange things.
On the second Sunday since my return from heaven, we headed out the door to church. The first Sunday (yes, life has been divided into pre-NDE and post-NDE), I’d sprawled on the couch, worshipped, and cried during our online service. Anyway, after opening the front door, the light outside immediately seemed piercing. The sun wasn’t out but apparently, my brain thought it was. I blinked hard. Then closed my eyes tightly. Church is less than a mile away but I still needed my sunglasses on the way there. “Whew.” Once I pushed them on, the relief became immediate. My head no longer pounded behind my eyes. Dull roar. Finally.
But then there were issues later on. “I can’t work or write,” I complained to my husband. “After a couple of hours on the computer, I get a headache and have to get off.”
“Maybe you just need a break.”
I rolled my eyes. I’d taken a break - a three-day one! My head hurt so badly that I’d had to stop. But now I needed to work, and it still hurt.
Maybe the screen was just too bright. Although that had never been an issue before.
I adjusted the brightness setting on my computer. Turned it down. And again, another “whew” when the pain eased somewhat. What was wrong with my head? Even with the settings lower, I still couldn’t stay on the computer for the hours that work required. But some time had been a little help, for sure.
I looked up reasons for headaches. Of course, there was the usual: migraines, sinus infections, brain tumors…and something called “eyestrain” and “photophobia”. Hmmm. I sighed and firmly shut the lid of my laptop. Did I need to start writing everything by hand?
The truth did finally dawn. I can be a bit slow. :-) I’d been to heaven. And although some people go in the spirit and see their bodies left behind, I hadn’t seen mine. Which made me think that perhaps I was there in my human form.
God led me to lead the writings of Paul after I returned from heaven. Maybe I mentioned that I kept telling my husband and parents that he KNEW what he was talking about. He had BEEN there. I felt astounded and enlightened - in all my years of reading the New Testament, that part had never struck me like that before. But Paul and I had suddenly connected on another level - I knew in my heart that without his admission, He had been to heaven and back too. He was part of this club. All his writings took on new meaning. Not just his writing but others too - more on that later.
After talking to my Mom, I remembered Paul’s story of the bright light on the way to Damascus when God spoke to him - and turned his life upside down (Acts 9). Some versions call it a “blinding light.”
I did finally figure it out. My eyes were strained…from Heaven’s light. The light of my Lord. Just like Paul/Saul’s were strained, causing his blindness.
About ten days after my Heaven visit, the eyestrain headache resolved. But it took time. Not a headache since and my laptop screen is back to normal brightness. No sunglasses needed either, unless it is super sunny outside. And even if it is, it means I squint, like usual. No headache involved. I am grateful - because it was painful!
But then again, a reminder of where I had been. Thank you, my Lord.
I find myself wondering, why are we so drawn to light?
God made us for light and of course, He is light. And light wasn’t just His creation in the beginning - it is meant to maintain us (spiritually, emotionally, and physically), bring us hope, chase away fear, and ultimately, cannot be overcome by darkness (John 1:5).
You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light (Psalm 18:28 NIV).
The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 21:1, NIV)
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path (Psalm 119:105, NIV).
I love to remember this one as we lead others:
The God of Israel spoke, the Rock of Israel said to me: “When one rules over people in righteousness, when he rules in the fear of God, he is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings grass from the earth” (2 Samuel 23:3-4 NIV).
Ironically (or not), many Bible verses about light are in the same books and chapters that speak of our eternity in heaven.
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn (Isaiah 60:1-3 NIV).
There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign forever and ever (Revelation 22:5 NIV).
The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.
Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end (Isaiah 60:19-20 NIV).
My gates, if that’s what they were, were filled with light - hence all of the orange brilliance through the gem/glass panels. And for a while, I wondered if perhaps each person has a unique gate into heaven. Some NDE accounts indicate to us that heaven actually has multiple gates (it is, after all, rather large). I recently read an account of a man who knew he was at the sixth gate to heaven. Another account even says the person there understood that there are 12 gates. I wonder if that has anything to do with the 12 tribes of Israel? (Later in the evening, I found Revelation 21:12, lol)
Guess we better do another post on Gates. :-)
“Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.” When he had finished speaking, Jesus left and hid himself from them (John 12:36 NIV).
Never considered spirit vs body visiting heaven. It makes sense. My eyes are sensitive to light in my older years (and phone time!) If you haven't read Ted Dekker's book, The Martyr's Song, you may enjoy! It is a fictional yet powerful nde of martyr.