Reluctant Healer: How He Showed Up To Confirm A Calling

The Appearance in my Living Room

Perhaps you aren’t as surprised as I am to see this post. I feel pretty flabbergasted when I consider all my Lord is doing, including additional miraculous events that I am honored to be a part of. With brisk efficiency, hastening my very definition of ‘taking my time’—He keeps sprinkling miracles.

Answered prayers—big prayers. People He sends at the exact right moment. Others who speak up when I curate doubts because they listen to God. Passages of scripture that leap out—confirming what I hear. Appearances when I struggle with messaging, and sometimes when I just ask. And when I don’t — ha ha. A good friend from my former workplace affirming yesterday, ‘I see that in you. I always have.’

We’ve known each other for about seven years now.

Yes, my Lord is honoring my requests.

I see now the years of preparation He steered me through. The onslaught of trials, the avalanche of health issues, and experience carrying almost every type of burden. The ‘practice’ in leading, teaching, writing, praying for others, and speaking into lives. The burden for healing, hope, and justice that burns within me. The lifelong desire to remain mission-oriented—yet a hole, because I also felt like my impact had not yet really begun.

I really should be doing more.

Going to Heaven truly was just the beginning. And I get it now. I know why He walked me through a physical death, vaulted me to the heavenlies, and carefully escorted me back.

More than one person has mused aloud or in messages that perhaps the gift of bringing God’s healing to other people was in my future. Whether that is their mental health, trauma consequences, or physical health. I mostly immediately brushed that off, fumbling with the overwhelm.

Fearful!

Because I responded from a human rather than a spiritual mindset, I tumbled hard into my overthinking mode—Julie tends to operate in an analytical groove.

(Picture a seven or eight-year-old Julie with her hands on her hips—I will help you, minus the hips. I think I was more into eye rolling back then.)

Well, well, well…what if I’m not really called? What happens when one starts talking about it—do people find you and line up at your door? What if someone messages from Zimbabwe (or wherever!) with a very sick child? What if they fall over when I pray for them, and I don’t have someone there to help catch (weak back here!)? What if I bring bad light to God while attempting a healing coup?

But worst of all, what if I pray—and they AREN’T HEALED?

I can’t control the results of healing prayers—that is up to God. Sometimes, He chooses not to heal. And sometimes He heals in the best way possible—by bringing someone Home.

I already do pray for healing for other people—especially in recovery groups.

And obviously, others are responsible for their responses, just like I am responsible for mine.

But the fears expanded (section on that in the upcoming Heaven book!). And of course, in reality, this is pride—my pride enjoys waxing eloquently at times. Go figure—early on, when I noted stirrings of this strange potentiality, He led me straight to pride passages throughout the Word. He is very aware of my misgivings (sin), questioning (sin), and fears/doubts (sin).

A couple of weeks ago, someone newer speaking into my life kindly informed me that there’s more on the horizon and that I’m intended to heal—and not just the trauma and abuse hurts I’ve always helped people with. This person has a prophetic gift—I’ve seen it presented in several ways.

Pay attention, Jules.

I almost flipped my Bible closed a few days ago when God kept highlighting passages about being bold and applying our service gifts to others. Although I didn’t close it in frustration or irkness, I quickly reminded Him that I am working hard implementing my gift. (I’m writing! Isn’t that enough?) LOL.

‘No.” He replied with a smile in His voice, ‘I have more for you.’

This morning, I read Galatians 1 (because it was next), which features Paul’s journey to his Call, after his Damascus road trip. (He also mentions pride in Galatians 1:10). He took the slower scenic route (this itself indicates a major change in Paul the narcissist), but never lacked faith.

I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel I preached is not of human origin. I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather, I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ…

But when God, who set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, my immediate response was not to consult any human being. I did not go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went into Arabia (Galatians 1:11-12, 15-17 NIV).

Three years later, he traveled to visit Cephas, who was potentially Peter. He returned to Damascus, then journeyed to Syria and Cilicia. He didn’t hit Jerusalem for another fourteen years.

My Lord popped up two days ago. In my living room. Yup. I’d been lightly researching and reading The Healing Breakthrough: Creating an Atmosphere of Faith and Healing. Although I hadn’t discovered spare time in the past few days to read, because I’ve been writing the Heaven book like a crazy chicken, it lay nearby.

I opened Facebook, and a prayer request from my childhood church group leapt out. I don’t know the gal posting about a family member lying in the hospital, sick and discouraged. The patient needed a specific test—and the machine was broken. ‘Won’t you also pray for this machine?’ She asked.

He called me as surely as if He’d bellowed my name aloud (He didn’t this time).

“OK, Lord.”

I closed my laptop. I lifted my hands. As I did, He completely covered me. My friends, pure holiness filled the room. The rays of Heaven shone directly on me—all of my body grew extra warm—even my usually cold hands. My whole being tingled in awe from head to toe, like pleasant bits of a lightning strike, if there were such a phenomenon. Unlike when He provides a weighted blanket of prayer, I felt as light as a feather.

I didn’t want to stop praying—I never wanted to leave. I was back…back in Heaven, as close as I could get but differently, and I never wanted it to stop. So I continued to pray, adding people in my life whom I know are suffering.

Yesterday, I heard from three I’ve prayed for—of healing and repair. This morning, I saw a nice note on Facebook about the hospitalized one—the patient is better, no longer discouraged, and the machine decided to level up and make the test happen.

Granted, our Lord may have done that without my prayer session. :-)

Earlier on, I cultivated another big question—how much do I say if this comes to be? I suspect some people might think, ‘OK, cool, you got a gift, but you aren’t supposed to shout it from the mountaintops. That looks braggy. Chill, sister.’

I know. Ugh!

But my Jesus also answered that. Three times now I’ve heard, ‘Don’t just do it—say it.’

The other day, I posted a note here with a scripture from 2 Corinthians, not even correlating it with this situation. I scrolled back and saw that I posted this one the day before. Yes, God had guided me to 2 Corinthians for a reason.

This morning,

Calibishie

posted a comment on the first one:

‘This passage reminds us that our lives are the message—living scrolls inscribed by Ruach haKodesh (Holy Spirit), not for private display but public witness. You are our letter, known and read by all men. We carry more than beliefs—we carry Presence. And the confidence we walk in is not from ourselves, but from Messiah, who makes us ministers of a new covenant written on hearts, not stone. May our lives continue to reflect the Author. Shalom and boldness.’

With this timely and impactful response, I remain grateful.

A moment of conviction emerged the other day. I’ve been lamenting, ‘But I’m just Julie’ way too frequently.

He replied, ‘You’re my Julie.’

That was both an AWWW moment and a shush-yer-mouth moment. I haven’t repeated it since.

God has called me, and it not only includes writing stories to share His glory, but also accepting a role as an agent of His healing.

To you, my friends—I am now accountable—and may God be praised as we move into this next phase of His exceptional blueprint.

Thank you for hanging out with me and praying for me. For reading the words He provides and for your vital reinforcement. I’d love to hear any meanderings He has given you, too. <3

How did I even get here? Watch my interview with Randy Kay.

And my friend

J. Redmerski-Tacu

is asking me to add the “buy me a tea” button back. LOL! OK.