A Church's Response (NDE Recovery Journal, part 5)

Post NDE, Days 16-23

Important- Thanks to those of you still checking on my health. I am doing much better! Please note that these NDE Recovery Journal entries were written in the days right after my near-death experience. :-)

Day 17 After NDE

SLEEP?

I struggle with sleep ever since I went to heaven. Tonight, I find out that there is an international organization called IANDS and they publish an NDE journal. I open one online from a few months back and there is an article about how most NDE’ers struggle to go to sleep or stay asleep. Yup. We seem to have one foot in heaven, and one foot on earth. Or half our brain in each place - however you want to think about it. Same result.

After my little Heaven trip, God pointed me to 1 Thessalonians and the rest of Paul’s words. This is ironic (God has a sense of humor) because before it happened, I was studying some of Paul’s words and arguing for women leaders in the church. But this time as I read, something is vastly different. A depth pops out I’ve never seen before. I tell both hubby and my folks that it is as if Paul went to heaven and came back at one point. Because he gets it.

I can’t sleep and I stay up to read my Bible and then“Revealing Heaven” by John W. Price. He also gets it, but is in heaven for good now. Sure enough, he brings up commentary opinions about Paul’s passage in 2 Corinthians 12. It is a well-known commentary opinion (I had no idea) that Paul speaks of himself when he says he knew a man 14 years before who went to the third heaven. So well-known that most of the internet seems to agree. There are other examples in the Bible as well of people sharing about “someone else” when it is in fact their story. Of course, we do that in real life too. Especially when leading recovery groups!

There are so many possibilities here with the “why.” But the one that comes to the forefront of my mind is that the rest of the verse says the man wasn’t to speak details. God sealed his lips on that. So, doesn’t it make sense that Paul would say he knew someone else instead? He likely would have been harassed for the details if he had put himself in that spot. Not to mention that NDE’s weren’t exactly acceptable talk at the time and it may have negatively affected his ministry.

I wonder if “14 years before” correlates with the Road to Damascus incident? My mom mentions that Paul’s blindness likely came from Glory. Yes. And if so, I am so happy that God only gave me eyestrain headaches for a little over a week.

Day 22 After NDE

WHAT IS A CHURCH TO DO?

I manage a busy day on Saturday for the first time and excitedly attend church again the next day. God meets me there. Have I mentioned the Weighted Blanket of Prayer yet? I did feel His presence before going to heaven, especially during prayer, but I feel Him heavily now. During worship today, He shows me that He is there. I’m so glad because I’ve missed Him. I lift my hands in song and the weight of Him is a loving pressure on my head, on my shoulders, on my heart. I cry and at one point, must sit down to continue worshipping.

I know, I cry a lot these days.

I am so grateful to feel Him close again.

A Heaven-visit does not make us perfect. Well of course, we are always perfect in His eyes. But yes, I still sin, unfortunately. Darn. I had really hoped to be human-perfect after returning from Heaven. Repentance is a part of life, but the difference now is that I truly understand the value of His deep love for me and for my work here. It has been spoken aloud to me from His lips. Incredible.

I want to mention the actions, and non-actions, of my church, because they are truly a role model for other churches. One of the first people I tell after it happens are all three of our pastors and I remain grateful for their responses. Of course, they believe me and are “wow’d.” They listen, read my story, and hear my concerns. They reply that God WILL bless my ministries and my work. They help keep me grounded (lol) and ask how they can help.

When I first walk back into the sanctuary (after recovery at home for a couple of weeks), I get a few stares, which I think I mentioned. But people are careful and that I appreciate. A few people touch my arm or give me a hug.

But most seem to be just letting me process. And I greatly appreciate having that safe, yet spiritual, space. This is exactly what I need.

Day 23 After NDE

A FEARFUL PRESENCE

This night is a challenge. Hubby is out of town and the last time he was gone, I died. I no longer have my Mocha-doggie, who went to heaven in March. I consider walking our check to the landlord a few streets over but don’t want to do so without her. In bed later, I stare at the ceiling and toss and turn. Sleep has improved lately but not this night.

I pray and feel my weighted blanket of prayer settling around me. So grateful. You would think that would be enough to get me to sleep as I even feel my organs inside my body relax and become heavy when He joins me, but no. As soon as I stop praying, He steps back – always with me but not encircling. I feel a bit of guilt – because He waited all day for me!

Earlier today, I started to read a book about a near-death experience and find it isn’t a Christian account. It leans towards New Age. I set it down but should have closed as soon as I realized. I opened a door by not doing so.

It isn’t long after I finish praying that a feeling of dark dread sweeps over me. Darkness. A little fear. I feel like someone else is here and then clearly in my head I hear “you are not alone in this house.” Had someone broken in? I clearly recount the moments of locking all the doors and checking the windows. I hop out of bed anyway and secure my bedroom door. As I turn from the door, I realize it is not a physical presence, but a spiritual one. I immediately say (a bit testily), “I am a child of God and in the name of Jesus, you have to leave.”

Light blooms. And peace. No more dark feeling. Instead, Jesus encircles me again as I head back to bed. Fear flees. I turn on some worship music and am soon lulled to sleep.

Is satan going to try even harder now that I am back from Heaven? Stupid satan.

PODCAST

Leslie Vernick and Company move their entire schedule aside to air my podcast today. We met a month ago and it didn’t record. She was a month out in rescheduling and I think it is a God-thing. We open with my NDE and then move into domestic abuse, church’s responses to abuse, and several other topics. I think I do OK.

I guess I do OK. Within a short day, there are almost 7 thousand views and the phones at my day job ring, ring, ring. I get to put 7,000 people touched on my impact calendar! I don’t - I save those numbers for those I pray with directly. LOL. Too bad. But, go, God!

You can watch it here if you want (NO obligation - only for those curious). The numbers seem to be above 10,000 now, across the different platforms. Thank you, Lord.

Hold onto instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life” (Proverbs 4:13 NIV).

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding (Proverbs 4:7 NIV).

My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body (Proverbs 4: 20-22 NIV).

Amen.