Called to Leave (NDE Recovery Journal, part 9)

Sharing my testimony of domestic abuse, healing, advocacy work, and being a warrior

Welcome new and old-ish friends! You will note that I write a few different types of posts. Half are portions of my recovery journal from my near-death experience (this one!), and the others are insights that God has been teaching me since I returned, true angel stories, and miracle events.

I seem to have audience members in each category, so if this post doesn’t interest you, I hope you will check out the others. Go to my homepage here, where you should find it easier to read in the categories you like the best.

Important- Thanks to those of you who are still checking on my health. I am doing much better! Please note that these NDE Recovery Journal entries were written in the days after my near-death experience. :-)

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Five Months Post NDE

Off-Script sharing

I speak at a luncheon today. I share my testimony of domestic abuse, leaving it, finding me, healing, and now guiding other people through it—and I also get to briefly mention my NDE to almost 90 people. I make sure to add jokes, and they even laugh. Whew. Both subjects can be heavy-duty, and laughter is so important.

As with most speaking engagements, I am nervous until the time to speak upfront. But as soon as I start, I forget about my nerves and enjoy it, especially when I see their responses—whether that is laughter, tears, or somewhere in between. I am very grateful that Hubby came along to support me.

Afterward, eight people let me know that my story inspired them and was helpful. One gentleman shares his own vision of heaven with me. And when I pause in the lobby on the way out, an entire group of people chatting in a circle also stop to inform me of their thanks.

But who am I?! I feel humbled. I feel so weak (sometimes). But when I get onstage, or I’m coaching someone through their abuse and healing, or I am sharing wisdom that I’ve learned in multiple arenas, I feel God’s strength. I know He is not only with me, but guiding my words. (Believe me when I say I seldom stay on script!)

Just like I am unable to write an outline for a book, I only take brief bullet-point notes with me on stage. Let me rephrase that. I can and have written outlines for my fiction books, but I gave up doing so long ago because I never stick to them. My characters write their own stories, and apparently, at the podium, I do, too.

I love the feeling of God using me to impact people. Dear God, use me more.

And that’s partially why the next few days are a bit of a surprise.

When God’s moves also seem off-script

Why is it so hard when God appears to be moving me along?

Today we receive word that President Trump is trying to cut all federal funding. That includes domestic violence centers and shelters. For now, a judge has blocked it, but I’m not sure how long that will last.

And today, I get the third message that God is moving me along from my day job. God first told me in my time with Him a few weeks ago and again during church recently. I admit, the first time, I kind of tilted my head and wondered if my God-hearing was off. But I (cautiously) started preparing anyway.

Of course, I never should have doubted Him. My allergy doctor has now informed me that I cannot return due to building conditions there. This is horrible timing. I was just asked to adapt my schedule and be there more. They’ve been gracious enough to let me work a lot of hours at home, and I’ve only been in the office ten hours a week for the past couple of months.

I grieve this deeply. I let the people know who need to know. I am asked to give more time to train others and stay through an upcoming (very large) transition. I kind of agree, depending on if God brings up another opportunity.

Until I can’t agree anymore.

This time God says not just “GO” but “GO NOW.” He is always kind but does get insistent with me sometimes. The message is frightfully clear. Through tears, I punch “send” on a thoughtfully composed email I wrote the day before.

God sends people

I meet with a brand-new friend, Hannah, for lunch, whom I have never seen before, and within 5 minutes, she not only hears my grief but prays over me. I cry at what she sees.

She keeps seeing me as a warrior. She tells me God is so very pleased with the work I’ve done. He has overwhelmingly rejoiced and told others of my work. I’ve furthered the kingdom. That I’m not about this place—I am about His/the mission. That this ministry was just a port, and now there will be a new one. And that although I thought I had “summited,” it’s much like getting to the top of a hill/mountain, and now seeing another summit beyond. I will greatly please Him wherever this next port is. He loves me deeply.

Thanks for the encouragement, my new friend.

Change is hard, and the grief is strong. I thought I would be there forever. I love the work, the ladies I work with, and my co-workers. But I choose to trust. I will work through the pain and be OK. I pray mostly that I have an impact for Him elsewhere. I so badly want to help others reach the hope and healing that I’ve experienced.

I text my new friend later on. Because we’ve been talking about names and what they mean, I share with her that my name means “youthful” and that my mom always says it is actually “youthful warrior.” The Hebrew of my name actually means “vivacious.” I only know the Hebrew one because I was thinking about another book idea, of course. :-)

“I wish I could draw, Julie.”

“Why?”

“Because when I pray for you, I don’t just see you as a warrior. Your warrior stance is formidable. He loves you so much, Julie. What powerful titles.”

God bless my new friend. Everyone needs a Hannah.

Since this time, I have received 15 thank you cards from people I helped, leaders I oversaw, and board members. My boss writes, “We would never be where we are without you” and lists some of the things I accomplished while there. I receive message after message in emails and Facebook messages. One leader calls me her “Naomi.” This is surely more than I deserve, but I am grateful that Jesus sends me people exactly when I need them.

This song really sums up the current situation. Of course, I have added it to my Heaven Playlist on YouTube.

Those who have ears to hear, let him hear & discern

So far, this is repeated nine times in my reading of Revelation. And it’s not just in Revelation. I take it to mean — let him/her really hear. We must be listening carefully. And work to discern those we listen to.

I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary (Revelation 2: 2-3 NIV).

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world (I John 4:1-3 NIV).

The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly (Proverbs 15:14 NIV).

In Luke 8, we read about the Parable of the Lost Seeds. And there are more lost ones than found. The story begins with “Whoever has ears to hear, let him hear.” And it can be summarized this way:

• Those seeds that fall on the path do hear, but then satan comes and they decide to listen to him instead. They abandon Jesus.

• The seeds on the rocky ground receive the Lord’s words with great joy when they hear it, but they have no root. When they are tested and things get hard, they abandon Jesus.

• The seeds that fall amongst thorns also hear, but as they go along, they are choked out by sin (worries, riches, pleasures - specifically). So, they do not mature spiritually and also end up abandoning Jesus.

• The seeds that fall on good soil stand for those with noble hearts who truly hear the word, retain it, and produce fruit.

In verse 18, He says Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them (Luke 8:18 NIV).

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This Month in Heaven

This month is my brother’s birthday. He celebrates in heaven now. And I often wonder if he was one of the people shapes behind that gold cloud, waiting to say “hello” to me. Sorry, Rick. It’s going to be a while longer.

P.S. - Do you have a miraculous story you would like to share with me? Or perhaps you have questions about heaven? Here is a new online form on my website. I would love to hear from you.

P.P.S - (where did we ever get “PPS”?) The BEST song on my Heaven playlist is an upbeat march against death from Mercy Me that I placed at the end. I love it! When I play it, I remember how God and I told satan to get lost and still have to do that sometimes.

Did you appreciate this post? You can help support my incessant need to research heaven. Buy me a tea here. (It helps to keep me alert). :-)